Women Initiate Roughly Seven in 10 Divorces. Research Suggests the Reason Is Specific to Marriage

Stanford study found the pattern does not appear in unmarried couples. A relationship coach says most husbands never see it coming

BOULDER, CO, UNITED STATES, October 5, 2026 /EINPresswire.com/ -- Women initiate about 69% of divorces in the United States, compared with 31% for men, according to research by Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld presented to the American Sociological Association.

The more revealing finding was what happened when Rosenfeld looked at unmarried couples. Among people who were dating or living together, men and women ended relationships at roughly equal rates. The imbalance appeared only inside marriage.

Rosenfeld also found that married women reported lower relationship quality than married men. Among unmarried couples, both partners reported similar levels.

Two people in the same marriage, describing two different experiences of it.

Curtis Kastner, co-founder of RB4M, which works exclusively with men whose marriages are in trouble, said that gap is the entire problem and that most husbands have no idea it exists.

"They are not ignoring it. They are blind to it," Kastner said. "They have no idea it is even happening. It is like not knowing that a different galaxy exists."

Kastner spent seven years in conversation with hundreds of women, asking a question he says almost nobody asks directly.

"I wanted to understand why women leave men they love," he said. "Not men who were cruel or absent. Men they still cared about. The answers were remarkably consistent and almost none of them were about a single event."

Nobody has been taught to see it

Kastner said the behaviors that push a wife away are rarely dramatic, and that the reason they go unnamed for years is simpler than most people assume.

"Nobody has been taught to see these patterns. Not him, and not the people around him," Kastner said. "His friends are blind to them too. They are not protecting his feelings. They genuinely cannot see it either."

He said his wife usually can see it, and cannot explain it.

"She knows something is wrong. What she does not have is the language to describe exactly what he is doing," Kastner said. "So it comes out as a complaint. And in his world, a complaint sounds like nagging."

He said that mismatch is what runs the clock down.

"She tries for years to get him to understand what she needs. It does not work, because she cannot name it and he cannot hear it," Kastner said. "Eventually she stops explaining. And a woman who has stopped explaining is not at peace. She is planning her exit."

The pattern he describes

Kastner said the men who come to RB4M are typically capable, hardworking and genuinely trying.

"That is what makes it so difficult," he said. "This is a man who solves problems for a living. Something is wrong in his marriage, so he does what has always worked. He identifies the problem and he applies effort to it."

He said that instinct is the thing making it worse.

"He is treating winning her back as a result to produce, because to him this is a problem he wants to make go away so life can return to normal," Kastner said. "And she has no interest in returning to normal. Normal is what broke it."

A second voice in the room

Linda Kastner works alongside her husband at RB4M, and said the work she does begins after a man already understands the patterns intellectually.

"Understanding it is not the same as catching it while it is happening," she said. "That takes practice, in real time, with the person you are married to."

She said clients bring her conversations they cannot decode.

"A man will tell me about an exchange he had with his wife, and he cannot tell me why it went well or why it went badly. He only knows how it ended," Linda Kastner said. "I take it apart with him. Here is what she was likely experiencing at this point. Here is what shifted when you said that."

She said the point is repeatability rather than insight.

"Once he can see the pieces, he can repeat what worked and avoid what did not," she said. "But nobody can do that for him. He has to practice it until it is muscle memory."

She said their approach avoids the promise most men arrive looking for.

"We help men in distressed marriages become the man his wife can happily take back, while feeling secure and confident even if she does not," she said. "That last part matters. We are not in the business of telling anyone their marriage will be saved."

Curtis Kastner said the work begins somewhere less comfortable.

"He has to stop asking how do I get her back and start asking what has she been telling me that I have not been able to hear," he said. "Those are completely different questions, and only one of them leads anywhere."

About RB4M

RB4M works with men in distressed marriages and long-term relationships across the United States and internationally. Founded by Curtis and Linda Kastner, the practice is built on the 12 Blind Spots framework, developed from seven years of research into why women leave men they love. More at rb4m.com.

For more information visit: rb4m.com

Linda Kastner
RB4M
media@rb4m.com
Visit us on social media:
LinkedIn
Instagram
Facebook